Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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