tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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