If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
