I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize