I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
