I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
