First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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