Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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