I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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