OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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