I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
