i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
