You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
