i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
