That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
false alarm, still single
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
