Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
