Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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