Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
