If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
