my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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