my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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