is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
