You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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