If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
