Cold hands, warm shart.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
