Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
