just tell him i said nine months
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
