That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize