I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
