It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
