and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And then my night got REAL pukey
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
