LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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