Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
