someone threw a dead crab at me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
