Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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