I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
