I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
