the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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