They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
