What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
