Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
