two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
