dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
