Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
