Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
