Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
