Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
