today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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