So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize