I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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