I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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