is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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