i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We won't sleep together?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
