I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize