dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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