i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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