Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
