id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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