Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
