My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
