I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
