I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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