it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize