Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
