how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
