thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
