You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize