Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize