sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
